We were kids, and in school together. She was outspoken, smart, and cute. I never met a person who was so direct with her questions. I think at first she did not like me, but that quickly changed when she got to know me. If I was not around, she would ask about me. If I did not call her every day, she would call me. If I did not initiate a hug when we parted ways, she would initiate. I began to think she liked me, and I think I liked her.
But I realized that I did not ever really tell a girl I liked her before at this point. I wanted to tell her, and I didn't know how.
Then I remembered that she and I would sometimes pass each other notes in class. So, I decided to write her a letter. In the letter I wrote down my feelings and thoughts. I even tried to rhyme a bit, because I thought I was Robert Frost or some other famous poet. I folded it into quarters and passed it in her direction, but it got intercepted by another student. The object of my affection snatched it from him before he could read the whole thing, but he got the gist. And as she was reading it herself, silently, the guy who saw it briefly started telling everyone what I wrote and began to make fun of me.
The crazy thing was that I did not even care about the jokes and the pointed laughing, I cared about what she thought. My eyes never left hers, and I think she knew that. She was silent, then looked up and stared at me a bit. Then she began to tell everyone to shut up and mind their business. Where was the teacher in all of this, I cannot recall.
Later that day after school, she stopped me and said that she wanted to talk to me. As we walked over to somewhere more private, I think I just wanted her to say that she felt the exact same way. She, unfortunately, said that she did not. She said she really liked me, and only considered me as a close friend, and was hoping that we could continue being close friends. I agreed without haste.
At the time I did not think too highly of myself physically, so though I hoped for the best, I always expected the worst. We remained friends up until the time we found out that we were not going to see each other anymore cause of life, school, and distance.
The last day I saw her, we talked for a long time, and she pulled something out of her pocket. It was the letter I wrote for her a couple of years ago. She looked at it again, smiled, and then kissed me on the lips. And as we did our final hug goodbye, she whispered in my ear that she wishes we had more time. But we did not.
I learned that I should never really mask my affection, but express it. And that even if it is not reciprocated right away, it was received. And that is all I am in control of. That is all any of us are in control of.
And that some people may just need time to understand how they feel about someone.
Til this day she is the only one I ever wrote romantically to, and I know that I will never forget The Girl Who Got A Love Letter.
