To You: The One Who Almost Broke Me
They say that all is fair in love and war, but I’m not so sure that is true. If everything was fair in love and war, this fight would be a little bit fairer, don’t you think? But instead of getting the short end of the stick, with you I never got the stick at all. I would have been okay with that. I would have allowed you to continue to throw those sticks at me until I bled, and I would’ve kept coming back for more because I loved you so much, more than I ever loved myself.
But I loved you more than I should have. I’d give you an inch and you took a thousand miles while I sat back and let you do it. I would’ve sold my soul, cut out every organ in my body until there was nothing left to help me breathe in order to save you. But you never wanted me to save you. I was just a place holder, something to pass the time while when you were bored. I wanted to be your Clark Kent, but you only needed a random stranger to fill the void in your heart. And I tried. Lord knows I tried. I was the best damn 2am-girlfriend you could ever ask for, but the only way to fill a void is with the dirt from the earth and I could never be your earth no matter how hard I tried.
We are our own earths. We water our own plants, fuel our own suns...at least that’s how it should be. And I tried over and over again to change the ways of the universe for you, but you can’t change the way things are and in the process you broke me. More accurately, I broke myself.
You have to love yourself first. I started to fill my own void and while my void will always crave you I know that my void can’t be filled by the likes of something so broken. You are a cancer to my solar system, a toxin to my system and if I continue to let you be at the center you will crack me right down to the core.
I will always love you. I will always want you. But now it’s time I love myself, and if somewhere down the line I love myself enough to be in the presence of you without shattering my world, I can’t imagine being happier. But now, I need to fix my own scars, piece myself back together, and I need to do that without the one who broke me. I need to do that without you.