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  • Writer's pictureNay

Give vs Take

Some of you reading this title may be thinking “of course there is a difference between give and take”, but in a close intimate relationship, the lines can blur.

See, some believe if you give love, care, and time to your partner, they should give it back. But, unfortunately, that is not always the case, because people give in different ways and to different degrees depending on their perception of the relationship.

Issues tend to arise, however, when the individual who feels they are always giving more than their partner, decides to take what they want from their partner, instead of waiting for them to give.

When we take, it is impermissible and often perceived as controlling.

On some level it makes sense that one would feel compelled to take if their partner is giving, but that seems to head in the direction of resentment and dissatisfaction.

To avoid such an unhealthy path, it may be ideal to consider these two alternative ways of moving forward:

First, maybe you do not understand the way your partner gives. It is possible that your partner is giving, but you do not perceive it as such. For instance, you may give by doing things for your partner, like picking them up dinner after a long day of work, or taking care of an errand they had no desire to do on their own. But, your partner may give by sharing time, like watching a movie with you, or going on multiple one-on-one dates together.

We have to try to understand how our partner may be giving, before we claim they do not give enough or not at all.

Second, maybe your partner is not the best fit for you at this point in time. Of course, no one person can provide all of your needs, but maybe the two of you are more different than you initially thought. Sometimes, we get very comfortable and complacent to the point of settling for someone, and taking what we need from them, even though they are not giving of their own volition.

You should not force your partner to do anything. Give them the opportunity.

Give them the opportunity to give.

In other words, provide an open and receptive space for your partner to be giving towards you. You should avoid demanding your partner to give to you in a particular way, and provide them with the ingenuity and the liberty to do so on their own in their own way.

See, the substance and nature of your partner’s way of giving becomes more valuable and authentic when there is no pressure or command to do so. In this position, you no longer have to take from your partner, because they are giving.

And, if you are struggling with the possibility of this being a reality for you, think about what you want your partner to do for you.

How would you feel if your partner told you that they felt that you were not giving enough to the relationship, and that they want you to do this and that? And, if it sounds like a directive to you, it very well may be.

If you do not want your partner to take from you, try to ensure that you do not do the same to them.

Just give it a chance!

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