My Person: Being Alone Together

Both my boyfriend and I would be classified as textbook introverts. We go out fairly often, but we hit a point where we need to be alone to recharge our batteries. I love my friends and we always have a good time when we’re together, but I also crave my alone time and luckily, so does he. One of the things we have truly mastered during the course of our relationship is how to be alone together.


Because of my need for solitude, I try not to make plans all the time as I’ve come to realize I like the idea of a busy social calendar much more than having to go out and constantly partake in activities. I used to make sure that I would set some weekends aside, or even just a day, to sit around and do nothing. I love spending entire days doing nothing but binge-watching TV shows and stuffing my face with snacks. However, as time has gone on, I’ve learned to scoot over a little on the couch and buy enough snacks for two.


I love him dearly but that doesn’t mean I want to spend every free moment entertaining each other, going out and doing things, or even speaking. I know that not every second needs to be filled with conversation and don’t believe that every silence is an awkward one. When I’m with someone I’m close to, whether it’s driving in a car, enjoying a meal, or simply sitting on the couch, sometimes many minutes will pass where no one says anything. Nothing is wrong, no one is angry or upset, it’s just that neither of us have anything to say at the moment. I’ve noticed a lot of people I interact with feel differently about this, but thankfully my boyfriend is not one of them.


On mornings where we can sleep in, we’ll spend a good 30 minutes or so lying next to each other scrolling through our phones after we wake up. Occasionally one of us will come across a funny meme and share with the other, but for the most part, we’re just browsing social media in silence. There will also be times where he wants to play his video games, so I happily grab my book and read next to him on the couch. It’s a part of our relationship that I value the most because we both understand that we don’t have to focus every second of attention on each other.


What I never realized before being in a relationship is that it’s a much different dynamic with a boyfriend than a friend, with regard to chill time for me. He understands the need for peace and quiet because he craves it too. This method might not work for everyone, but we have multiple levels of compatibility, this just being one of them. And at the end of the day I know I’m with the right person because I still want him around when I want to be alone.


Photo Credit: Ayo Ogunseinde

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