It is difficult to know whether you constantly have your guard up or not, and is difficult to know whether that is a bad thing too.
Some of us keep our guards up as a defense mechanism, because we have been hurt or have a natural inkling to be self-protective. Maybe, we have our guards up because it allows us to function normally day to day.
Maybe, we could only go on the battlefield with our shields.
Maybe, it will rain, and we rather have our umbrellas then to let the water touch us in any shape or form.
But, research suggest that self-disclosure is necessary for closeness and intimacy. So, periodically, we have to let people into our lives. We have to occasionally share our personal moments and thoughts with another.
As human beings, we have this tendency to not want to feel alone. There is a desire to have people know and care for you, as you are.
Sometimes, we have that shield on the battlefield, so that we can hide behind it.
Sometimes, we have that umbrella, so that we do not have to feel anything.
But, it is possible, that true strength and integrity comes from being vulnerable.
It comes from showing your cards and leaving your door open.
And, in doing that, there is a risk of losing something, or not being accepted. But, maybe true loss and nonacceptance comes from not being your authentic self.
How can one know you, if you do not tell them about the real you?
How can one open up to you, if you are not willing to open up to them?
How can one care for you, if they do not know what to care about?
It is daunting to lay everything out to another, so it is not uncommon to gradually disclose what is not apparent. We can ease people deeper into our lives. We can tell them more about our authentic selves through more meaningful engagements over time. We can show a card at a time. We can crack the door open. We can set the pace.
But, make sure the pace is logical and reasonable.
Too fast, and we can scare someone away.
Too slow, and we will not really bond with them anyway.
Incrementally sharing parts of us with someone, should be the goal. Our trendline should be steadily rising. We should be ascending.
However, there are times when are engagements are few and our introspections are high, and we begin to get complacent with the notion of not disclosing.
It is difficult to get out of such a rut, because it is like starting all over again.
It makes you wonder, whether or not those around you know the most up to date version of you?
And I guess, that is where I am at.
I realized, that It’s Been A While Since I Have Been Vulnerable.