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  • Writer's pictureNay

It's Been A While... Since I Said No

Saying No, is a clear way of taking a stance on something. It shows a lack of interest in doing or agreeing to something. And, it is an expression of absolution to whatever is suggested. But, I'm not sure I want to live in absolutions.

I am not sure I want to close an idea or an action off from myself. It sounds limiting and stifling, which are two things, I do not usually associate with myself.

I want to be open.

Being open, does not automatically translate to Yes either.

With Yes, you are always going along with what is suggested. You are embracing whatever is being offered. And, you are accepting things even if you do not want too. But, that too in a way, can be limiting and stifling to some.

What is Yes but the polar opposite of No. Both are ends. Both are finite. What about what is in between?

I want to live in ambivalence. I want to try things out and just see. If it is something I do not like, then I guess, for now, I do not like it. But, I want to be open to the possibility of changing my mind.

I want to be able to have space to roam, and navigate in any way imaginable.

I do not want the door closed or wide-open, I want it ajar.

And on the surface, that may appear as me saying Yes to everything. And, maybe to some degree I am leaning more to the Yes end of the scale.

But, I want to be able to agree to something I have never agreed to. I want to turn my ‘Soft Nos’ into ‘Yeses’, and my ‘Hard Nos’ into, ‘Let's Sees’.

In this society, we push ourselves in corners so much that it can be difficult to breathe. We start to become a detriment to ourselves, allowing ourselves to go into sad and dark places. But, not me.

I won't allow myself to get that far.

I am charging forward. And will mistakes or second guesses happen, absolutely! But, I would not change a thing. And sometimes after further thought, it all may not actually be mistakes, but opportunities for more exploration.

You… I… actually WE, cannot stay in that corner. We cannot cower down to the floor. We cannot stay on one side of the room.

We have to move. We have to be curious. We have to discover. We have to live our lives.

Because, I want to know that I tried everything I wanted to try. I want to know more about my interests, desires, and ambitions.

I want to be free!

So be free with me, and let yourself go in a variety of ways. Open yourself up more. And, crack that door ajar and pierce inside, because you never know how it could be.

I should know… since it's been a while since I said No.


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