In the early part of my college life, I met this girl in one of my classes. She was vibrant, beautiful, and charismatic. I found myself very comfortable with her. She and I would crack jokes, and laugh at things together. It just felt natural.
She was actually a bit older than me, to my initial surprise. She seemed so layback and carefree. But, I have been told that I tend to act older than my years, so maybe that is why I felt so evenly matched with her.
When I found out she was older, it discouraged me a bit, because I have dealt with situations before where I was pining over a girl who was older than me, and it never really turned out well.
But I had a friend in the class, who also so happened to like someone else in the class, so we would imagine how it would be if we were with our prospective mates. And with all that imagining, I began to really want the real thing.
I wanted her.
And since she was older, she was not going to be around campus much longer, so I knew my window of opportunity would be closing.
So, one day, she and I were talking, and were just naturally enjoying each other’s company. And I disclosed my feelings for her, to her.
I do not know if it was because I felt so at ease with her, but I had some gall to ask her the way I did. I know she was not expecting it, but I felt compelled to tell her. It was as if I had these feelings bottled up, and all that imagining was shaking me up so much that I was going to explode.
And to my surprise, she was receptive. She was actively listening to me, and seemed to value every word I was saying. And with a smile, she said she was flattered. She then said, “I like you too.”
And it was as if a whirlwind spun up inside of me, because she said exactly what I wanted to hear. She liked me too. What I was feeling and the experiences we were sharing were not one-sided, but mutual. I saw nothing but happiness in her eyes and demeanor, but she did have to go to class, and said that we would talk later.
I was beyond thrilled, and quickly went and told my friend who was also in the class and knew of my feelings, and she was so happy for me. I was happy for me. I was getting ready to start a new relationship with someone so awesome.
The next day, she texted me to meet up, and I was excited. I do not think I have ever been as excited to see a girl I liked, the way I was that day. But when we met, her demeanor was different.
It was like a dark cloud was hovering over her. She was not smiling and seemed closed off. It was a visual I never saw from her before. And then she broke it to me.
She said that she thought about it more, and did not think it was a good idea to form a relationship when I was just starting my college life and she was just about to end hers. The crazy thing was that I had so many rebuttals to what she said, and I did not want to let her go, but I virtually said nothing. I just remember saying, “Okay, I understand.”
I think she felt guilty. And I was definitely heartbroken. She hugged me, and we remained friends. It was never quite the same after that, not because we remained friends, but because I knew she liked me too and we never had a chance to see it through.
Looking back, I am not sure if I knew her as well as I thought. So, maybe it would have been premature to start a relationship with her, not knowing a bit more about her. I do respect her decision a lot more now. And today she seems happy and in a relationship that seems suited for her. When we chat every once in a while, I still feel like a piece of her keeps thinking about those two days. I think talking to me, reminds her of the what-ifs. What if she gave me a chance? What if certain other aspects of her life would have been different? What if our liking could have grown into something else?
But there is no way to know. There is no way for her to know, because it is what it is. But I think that was the moment when I realized that though I respected her decision, it is a decision I will never make.
I will always be open and willing to give a relationship a chance, especially if I like the lady in question. I want to reduce my what-ifs. The one for me could be someone I never give a chance to, so I have to try to avoid that.
And that is why I will never forget The Girl Who Almost Gave Me A Chance.