The Girl Who Helped Me See
For over fifteen years, I have been dependent on glasses to help me see. When I first got them, I was glad to have them. I was able to see clearly, and it gave me a smart look. I always felt that I was smart, but naively, I felt the glasses confirmed it.
Obviously, whether someone has glasses or not, has nothing to did with their intellect, but nonetheless my glasses became part of my identity.
Like some, I would occasionally be teased for wearing glasses, but it never seemed to really affect me. Most jokes about glasses are the same, and since I am a bit of a jokester too, I was able to dish back whatever anyone tried to dish out. But, there is one thing that did affect me. Because I had glasses, I felt no girl could see me.
I felt that glasses were unattractive, and that many of the girls I liked were into boys who did not have glasses. Whether that was true or not, the mere notion that this rattled my brain, seemed to definitely affect my self-esteem.
As I entered adulthood, I still struggled a bit with my self-esteem, so I convinced my mother to invest in contact lenses for me. In some way, I was trying to reclaim a past identity or create a new one. But in doing all of that, I realized I am who I am, and I have been naturally changing and growing. So, I found myself interchanging between glasses and contacts, because the real me will always seep through.
There was a moment though when I was wearing glasses, and I went to the vision center to get a new pair, when one of the employees was helping me. While she was helping me, I began to realize that she was flirting with me too, and did not seem to hide it. For a second, I remembered I had my glasses on, and felt I was not looking my best as I would with contacts, but that feeling swiftly faded away.
She was into me because she was into me.
She would see me about four times a year, and I guess our conversations over time led to her developing an interest in me. And though I never really pursued her, I learned what I already knew all along.
I like how I look.
In fact, I love how I look.
And even though through time, I may change a bit, that fact will never change.
I could be young, old, big, skinny, fit, with contacts, or with glasses, and I will still love how I look and who I am.
This girl saw me for who I really was, and liked me. And that is what I want.
So, if someone is not into me, because of the way I look at a particular moment, then that is not someone I would want to be with anyway.
The person for me, will see me.
And that is why I will never forget The Girl Who Helped Me See.