• Nay

The Girl Who Kissed Me First

Updated: Jul 5, 2018

We were both about 4 years old in Preschool. I know it seems crazy to recall something of this nature, but I have been told you never forget your first kiss… She had long blonde hair with kindness in her eyes. I remember her always grabbing my hand, and dragging me around the playground. I am sure there were other children playing around us, but I could only remember her. She was memorable and important to me. Not sure if I understood love at the time, not sure if I fully understand love now… haha. But we had something.


During story-time, I remember always trying to put my arm around her, so that she would sit closer to me. And she never resisted, somehow she felt just as comfortable as I did. One day I found a ring outside on my way to school and snuck it in my pocket so no one would see, and that day in the playground during school, I gave it to her. Til this day, I could remember the embrace. Her arms wrapped around me tight, and my nose in her hair. She grabbed my hand like she always did, and we went towards these stone crawl spaces. I believe most kids crawled in one end and came out the other, somehow that was something fun to us. This time, this day, she positioned me on one end of the crawl space, while she went to the other. She gestured me to go in, and we both went in from our respective positions. We crawled to each other with dim light from the holes of the crawl space, and when our faces met, she kissed me. I remember being surprised but smiling after, so I decided to kiss her back, and she smiled too. We back-crawled out of the stone crawl space, and hugged each other once we were standing and close together. She then continued to grab my hand and drag me around, while her free hand had the ring I gave her on one of her fingers.


At the end of that school year, she moved away, which I think was sad for me. We never said goodbye, and never kissed again after that day. I do not think this was some sort of bad break-up or even a real relationship, but I think it was the younger version of myself exploring what I conceptually believed love was. If there is more to the story, I cannot recall. But I learned that love (or what we perceive as love) is hidden in the moments we share. She taught me that if you care for someone, you show them. She will always hold a little crawl space in my heart. I will never forget The Girl Who Kissed Me First.