Through an online dating application, I met her. The application has a feature that allows one person to express a like while the other person can accept or decline. If the person accepts, then a conversation may ensue, which is exactly what occurred between us. She liked, I accepted.
Our conversation started quickly, by her accord. And I have to admit, I enjoyed our back and forth exchange. She was smart, witty, and a bit sarcastic. Nonetheless, I did not mind talking to her. With that all said, she still was not the typical woman I would engage with romantically. I was not quite sure why, which is why I was hesitant to formally ask her out, and not quick to dissolve our connection. Eventually, she hinted at a meet-up, and I officially asked her out on a date.
When we met up it was weird at first, but as we talked, I noticed our face to face exchange began to mimic our online exchange, which was a relief. We walked around a lot, grabbed something to eat, and began to share memories. It was kind of like a movie.
After a while, I began to put my arm around her, and when it got colder, I held her more too. She did not shy away, and appeared to like the proximity. As our night was ending, I express my wanting to kiss her, and she invited. We kissed a few times, and said goodbye. Once we left each other, our conversation resumed through text.
I noticed I was starting to like her. I still was not feeling a deep connection, but knowing the research I know, I was aware that we would need to interact more. So, I set up another date. It got pushed around a bit, because of our schedules, but it did happen.
The date changed from a night out to a night in, cooking and watching a movie. We were flirting a lot and being affectionate, and I found myself comfortable.
I felt comfortable in her presence, and I think she was feeling it too. And though the needle was being pushed in the right direction, I was not sure if I wanted anything serious. So, I expressed my ambivalence.
She seemed to agree with my sentiments, which was a bit of a surprise considering her behavior, but ultimately, I was relieved. And before we continued our night in, I verbally double checked with her, because I did not want to mislead my intentions at all. Again, she agreed, and we enjoyed the rest of our time together.
After I left, I felt good about the direction we were heading in. I did not feel pressured to dive deep in this relationship, and because of her not pressuring, I felt closer to her.
We continued to talk through text, but an unfortunate event occurred in my life. That event affected me tremendously, and I was a bit closed off. But yet, I felt comfortable talking to her about it. I knew she would understand, and she appeared to understand.
I explained I may not be able to see her face to face for a while, and again she agreed and understood. And that made feel well. I even felt motivated to get back to where we left off once all this unfortunate stuff was over.
And when I was ready, I reached out to her, but then she was dealing with some unfortunate events of her own. I understandably, returned her sincerity in kind. I gave her space, and told her that I was here when she was ready.
Some time had passed, and I did not hear from her, so I reached out, and she was receptive. We started to set up another date, which would involve her coming more out my way, because I wanted to show her my life. She agreed, until two days before she was expected to come.
She expressed to me through text, how she did not think it was a good idea to see me, and that she began talking to another guy and how things seem to be getting serious.
Her talking to another guy was fine in my book, we were not exclusive, and I admittedly did lean others to get me through a tough time, which is what I assumed she was experiencing. But the idea of things getting serious, shocked me.
I thought she was not ready for that, like me. I thought she wanted to take time, like me. I thought she was liking where this was going, like me.
I am one not to interfere in the feelings that people have for each other, so I gracefully understood and wished her well. But the relationship expert in me, needed to know more. And as I combed through our conversations, I realized I missed the signs.
She always wanted something serious.
The type of questions she asked me before we even met was a sign. The type of memories she shared on our first date was a sign. And the idea that every time we expressed our ambivalence, I was the one who always initiated. She never expressed that first.
It became obvious to me that she was just agreeing and complying to what I said, because she really liked me, and did not want to risk losing me. And now, another guy has possibly shown her the seriousness she yearned for, so being around me could possibly be counterproductive to that.
I used to think if our trajectory was not derailed due to the unfortunate events we experienced, we could have had something great. But, now I know, we probably would have never worked.
I needed directness and honesty, and it does not seem that is what I got. Looking back from the start, we were likely not compatible. But, I am still grateful for the time I had with her, and I hope she has found the happiness she desires.
I will never forget The Girl Who Was Acquiescent.