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Day One: Love Before The Storm

You will meet your prince charming they say. You will get swept off your feet they say. Well, I’ve come to learn those are just silly fairytale sentences much of us girls who are now women have been taught about romantic relationships with men.

As a little girl I watched the Disney movies where there was always a woman in distress, and in need of a man’s attention and love to be saved. As I became a teenager, those movies that I once watched became my inner daydream thoughts. I remember being so focused on not wanting to be alone and wanting a boyfriend - thinking I knew what I wanted in a boyfriend at the time. Boy, was I wrong! I had no idea what I truly wanted.

My wants and needs have definitely changed since then. Anyways, as a teenage girl I thought I’d have my entire life planned out - get my college degree by 22, somewhere in between there I’d meet the guy of my dreams, he’d sweep me off my feet and we’d get married at 24 and I’d have my first of five kids by 26. Some dreams huh?

Now, I’m 26 with no husband let alone a boyfriend and no kids. However, I proudly have my college degree as well as a graduate degree, a career I’m passionate about, and an abundant amount of love from close family and friends.  

When I graduated college at 21, I endured my first heartbreak with my boyfriend at the time of 5 years. It was tough, but looking back we wouldn’t have been together much longer if we didn’t break up when we did, and he would not have been able to endure the journey that lied ahead of me. A journey I didn’t know if I would endure.

Fast forward to 4 years later, I became diagnosed with a chronic illness that attacked my kidneys. Consequently, my kidneys were failing to function properly, and I ended up on dialysis. My insecurities were at an all-time high and dating was off limits.I was sick. Who would ever want me? Who would want to deal with a sick girl? I thought. I’m always tired. I have tons of doctors appointments. I’m on various meds. And I gained a significant amount of weight due to the anti-inflammatory steroids I was prescribed.Again, dating was off-limits. My life as I knew it had stopped in some way and for that I felt deprived of being able to live it, especially when it came to my love life. How could I add someone into my life when I wasn’t really sure how long I’d have to live it?I know, crazy thought, but that was my truth at the time.

I was so emotionally drained from my illness that I couldn’t possibly fill someone else up with love. I realized I had to re-learn or maybe learn for the first time to fill myself up and love on myself.

My body needed me. My mind needed me. My heart needed me. And because of that, I have learned to open myself up to the opportunity of love, but not without the struggles in between. So, pull up a chair, get comfortable and get ready to journey with me on this road starting with day one.


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