They say time heals all wounds, but sometimes that is not true. Sometimes, time is like a leaky faucet, dripping slowly onto your forehead— a constant reminder that something is broken.
The truth is, when you lose someone you love, things do not go back to the way they were before. They can’t. You cannot go back to the time when you would hear their voice, see their name pop up on your phone, or look across the room at a party and notice their laughter. Nothing will ever be the same again.
Losing you broke a part of me. It broke a part of all of us I am willing to bet. I think back to that night, and how since then, I cannot remember a time I ever felt the way I used to feel before. I keep searching for my old self, but I think she was buried along with you. I find comfort that at least you are not alone then.
It comes in flashes. One day you were just here. That summer before you were gone was probably the greatest summer of my life, although I sure as hell did not know it at the time. It is funny how life works isn’t it? You never know how great a moment is until that moment passes, and then you spend the rest of your life wishing so desperately you could get it back. I would do anything for just one more of those moments, but alas I cannot.
Even though I will never get to hear your hello again, even though I will never see your smile here on this earth, I want to say thank you. Thank you for every moment you gave me. Thank you for every ounce of love, for every kiss, for every time you did not correct my improper grammar. Thank you for loving me for who I am, for believing I who I would become. Thank you for your patience, and for putting up with me even when I probably tested your patience until it was holding on by a thread. Thank you for the cookies, the sweet desserts I’ll grow up and make for my children one day, and will let them know that someone special once taught me how to make it just for them. Thank you for being a part in raising me.
Even though you are gone, you are still a part of everything I do. You are with me, every day, holding my hand. You are a part of every decision I make, in every word I speak. I hear you when I talk to others, I see you in my nieces and nephews eyes. I do my best to live my life in a way that would make you proud. I hope I am making you proud. Time may not make losing you any easier, but somehow knowing that you are still with me, does.