To You: The One Who Is Lucky Enough To Climb My Walls
I know that love is never easy, but loving me should come with a caution sign.
I have built walls longer than the Great Wall of China to protect me, because those who came before you, did not always treat me right. Sometimes I feel like an old soul, because my heart has been broken too many times to be this young but hey, that’s part of life. I always picked up my boot straps and kept going, but like a scar on your body the past has repercussions and my past has left me guarded, dazed, and confused.
You see in the past I always used to give my heart away so freely. I used to believe that everyone deserved a chance, a second chance...a 20th chance. I used to believe that because I used to believe that their life was more valuable than mine, their happiness mattered more than whether or not I could look myself in the mirror and be proud of the person looking back at myself.
So, one day I woke up and realized that I had to live by the advice I had told so many of my friends before me: I had to love myself first. I had to love myself more, more than him, before I could let myself love you.
If you would’ve asked me a few months ago, I would’ve told you how sorry I am for making you climb these walls to get to me. But the truth is, I am not sorry. I am not sorry for knowing my worth. I will not apologize for “playing hard to get” and only accepting the best for myself. I am not sorry for not giving my everything until I know that you’re the right one for me, and I will certainly not apologize for being strong enough to speak my mind and stand up for my heart.
Because if I let you in, if I let you climb those walls, you will never find someone who will love you as fiercely and completely as I will. If I let you climb those walls, you won’t only get a partner, you will get a best friend, someone who will stand with you through it all. You will get someone who will know how to give you your space, but will be there when you need her. You will get someone who will make you laugh until you cry. I will probably aggravate the hell out of you sometimes because I tend to be stubbornly independent, but if I let you climb those walls that’s something you’ll grow to love about me.
If I let you climb those walls, it means you have seen right through me. Thank you for that. If you climb those walls, my only apology is that I didn’t let you do it sooner.